I am jumping ahead a few years to the age of 14-ish. I honestly don’t remember the exact age but it was around then. This was also the time that I really started to lash out and skip church. This day was the escalation of that. I knew something wasn’t right. This day was the day I received my Patriarchal blessing. First of all, look at that name Ya the whole church was governed by men being the hierarchy and it was to be run like a patriarchy. They also wanted the homes to run like that. Wife takes care of the house and the man provides. Well my Mom worked and I am happy she did. I am glad she had an identity outside of the home. Kids leave and the noisy house does too. If all you have is the house then what do you do when it’s quiet. Not saying you have to work but you need something in your life. Anyways, that’s another post another time.

So my Dad took me to the church to have my blessing. He and a couple other men laid their hands on my head after rubbing oil on it and started to give me a blessing. This blessing is something many get excited about because not that they say it predicts the future necessarily but if I were to live like the church wanted me to then God was speaking through the Priesthood men to tell me what I could look forward too. So kind of like fortune telling I guess now that I think about it.

During the blessing I felt that my head was twitching. I could feel it happening but I couldn’t stop it. About halfway through the blessing the other guy, not my Dad, stopped and said, “are you OK?” I said yes and he just nodded and they went on. I had stopped twitching when they stopped to address the issue but as soon as he started talking again I started twitching again. I honestly tried to stop it but I couldn’t. I had no idea why. I was a little embarrassed after. After that my Dad and I went and got some ice cream and he was so excited for me. Like he was genuinely excited. I knew that he thought this was so good and I went along with it. Meanwhile I couldn’t remember a thing the guy said, I was just glad it was over.

They mailed the blessing to me from Salt Lake City Temple square a few weeks later. I got the letter and my family was excited to read it. I let them of course and then off to my room and I shoved the envelope somewhere and really never read it again. I was told I should read it to be reminded of what God wanted me to do but I didn’t because I just didn’t care. 

It was only a few years ago that I wanted to read it again. I think I probably threw it away in one of my many moves so I had to email Temple Square Records and ask for it again. They sent it to me and I was like, “OK I am older now so this will give me the spiritual experience and tell me all the things.” It didn’t. It said I was going to be a mother in Zion. Well come to find out all the girls’ blessings say that from what I have heard and a whole lot of living gospel mumbo jumbo. I felt nothing when I read it again. 

The reason I requested it in my 50’s is because I was grasping to be proven that this church was true and had a value I needed to hold on to. I was like OK I am reading this with an open mind and willingness to let god into my gut and give me that burning bosom feeling. I had nothing. I haven’t read it again and I think I threw it away again.